Reading Elliot this time was freeing for me. I worry - did I miss my chance? I’ve spent recent years in cycles of almost frantic action (typically by maintaining profiles and subsequent activity on several dating sites) followed by burnout. I’ve sometimes looked back at my 20s and wondered if I was too reserved, too willing to wait. Men are stuck between calls to leadership and warnings against “toxic masculinity.” Women who may prefer to “respond” give up after seeing the success of friends who doggedly pursued the men they wanted. The wider culture has blurred almost all distinctions in gender roles, and the church has been unable to halt its effect on our members. But Elliot’s own life of courage and quiet leadership proves that she isn’t encouraging unhealthy subjection rather, she models a sort of fearless femininity, an embrace of womanhood that is rooted in God’s design.Įven for someone like me who grew up steeped in complementarianism, today’s gender relations are incredibly confusing. In a 21 st-century culture that rewards brash assertiveness and encourages self-exposure via social media, Elliot’s portrait of womanhood sounds downright Victorian. She writes of the masculine responsibility “to care for, protect, provide for, and cherish.”įor women, she encourages qualities like affirmation, tenderness, maternalism and mystery (a sort of modesty and reserve). She strongly cautions against “new” trends like women initiating relationships, citing how masculinity is rooted in God’s character as initiator: “He woos us, calls us, wins us, gives us His name, shares with us His destiny, takes responsibility for us, loves us with a love stronger than death” (p. Ladies and gentlemenĮlliot is unapologetic in her traditional understanding of gender roles. Despite these tragedies, Elliot lived a faithful life - much of it as a single woman. Finally, at age 50, she married Lars Gren, a hospital chaplain, who would outlive her. She was widowed again just four years later when Leitch died of cancer. She would not remarry until she was 42, this time to theologian Addison Leitch. Elisabeth was a widow and single parent at the age of 29. In 1956, two years into their marriage, Jim was martyred. “Passion and Purity” tells the story of the five-year courtship between her and fellow missionary Jim Elliot. As I worked my way through the chapters, I found Elliot’s advice not only practical, but nuanced and seasoned with understanding - the understanding of a woman who lived it.įor those who don’t know her story, Elliot began her career as a missionary in Ecuador. Reading older books can help us see how many of our cultural “norms” are in fact recent innovations. “Passion and Purity” was first published in 1984, and its content is dated - jarringly so. I didn’t expect much - at this point, how much more could I have to learn? Since several of Elliot’s other books have continued to be formative in my Christian walk, I wondered if her dating wisdom would still be relevant in my mid-30s. I had read it twice before, once as a teen and again in my early 20s. Through the years, I’ve read dozens of books about dating and marriage, and unfortunately many have fallen flat in the face of extended singleness.Īmid the recent mass cynicism toward purity culture (culminating in Joshua Harris’ defection from both the courtship movement and Christianity), I decided to revisit Elliot’s relationship classic. This summer, when I turned to the first page of Elisabeth Elliot’s “Passion and Purity,” I tried to have an open mind.
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